I Fell Out of Love with Fitness…

Hello and welcome. My name is Vincent Bizzell, and I want to start the new year off with something a bit different. This may eventually become a fitness related site as I continue to grow and go on this journey, but these blogs will not be solely fitness related. I want to use this space, even if it doesn’t reach anyone, as a place to put my thoughts, goals, and passions down, as well as my experiences from every day life and travels.

I plan on, with my second post, going a bit more into detail of myself and who I am, my interests, hobby’s, and goals for this new year, but first I want to start with my mental space a year ago that lead me to where I am now, as I type this out.

As I go through my notes I have left myself, I found this one in particular that I felt would be a great “beginning” of this new journey I want to embark on. This was a note to myself, close to a year ago, when I found love for the gym again.

“All I wanted to do when I moved from my hometown was Personal Training…bring fitness to the lives of those who wanted the help with living a healthy lifestyle.  And I started doing just that.  But as the long days went on, I fell out of love with fitness myself.

I stopped training.  For one reason, I just moved with my then soon to be fiancé, and we needed to support ourselves more.  And the money just wasn’t cutting it.  I was a stranger in a vast city where I knew no one but her.  It just wasn’t a viable position to try to take on while wanting to propose to the love of my life, find an apartment that allowed a mammoth of a dog, who I could never abandon, on top of maintaining my own fitness and other priorities—payments for car, moving costs, etc.

Over the past 8 years, I have tried, really tried to get back into training, even just for myself.  I missed the way I had looked and felt, especially when I know I wasn’t blessed with the best genetics.  I had gained so much self confidence going from a weight out of highschool of 115 lbs soaking wet, to my best self while training 5 years later sitting at 215 lbs.  That may seem far fetched, but that’s where I was able to push myself.  Countless meals and hours spent at the gym.  And when I say these things, I mean it.  6-8 meals a day.  2-3 hours at the gym, sometimes twice a day.  I wanted it. Badly. It was my goal that I had accomplished.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago—February 2024, and I weighed in at 180, muscles had atrophied from what I used to be, 20 percent body fat.  All that was left the same was my personality, I think.  I happened across some pictures of myself. I immediately recollected the way I felt, not only day to day but how strong I had gotten in the 5 years of lifting.

Week 3 of being back at the gym.  Creatine, fish oils, protein, pre workout, and 6-7 meals a day deep.  Muscle memory is real and it’s insane.  Weighing in the morning around 193 currently, and body fat has dropped to 15%.

I have fallen back in love with fitness, and the gym.

But as I am starting to get my results and gains back, I still look at myself in the mirror, and see the tiny husk.  I’m sure it’s body dysmorphia.  But that won’t stop me.  Not this time.“